I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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