We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My vagina is officially offended.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
