i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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