my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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