Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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