8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
