he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
