grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
