I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
