You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
