I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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