it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
