I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
