p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
