mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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