I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
