batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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