When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
