I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
