Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
