If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
