i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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