Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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