The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ate ashes out of my bong
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
