i would punch a child for taco bell
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
