You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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