The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
