you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
