You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sext me about skeletons
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
