This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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