he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
