I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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