I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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