Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
