Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
