woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
