If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
