We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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