He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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