I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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