i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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