how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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