Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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