The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
