i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
