god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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