Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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