I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't turn off my feet"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
