they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
