WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
