The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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