RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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