Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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