I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
