I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
