i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
