Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
accomplished twins. life is a go
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
