I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sext me about skeletons
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
