Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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