i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
