she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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