you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
