We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
