could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
