took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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