69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
