I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
