i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
