How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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